Sponge bath it is.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
