i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
