i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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