I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
