Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
