Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
