Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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