this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Couch. On fire.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
