why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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