Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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