Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
