i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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