i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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