i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
