There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
