Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
