Your face is a jimmy john
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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