remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
