I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't deserve a penis
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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