I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
