Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
