Porn is love you can see.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
