Me. At least after what I've been through.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
