Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
