I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
