I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
