If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i believe in u and ur pee
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
