Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
