umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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