What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
