Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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