Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
