I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Come on in and take your pants off
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