yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
