ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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