I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
