I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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