You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i wish my penis had a tongue
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
