He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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