I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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