There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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