Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
