Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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