His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
