Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
