FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
