Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
