did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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