im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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