Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
