Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
