Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
